Grab the tissues & the wine;

your girlfriends are getting pregnant...

As the first out of my closest friends to get married, I would have likely been the first to begin trying to get pregnant.  And that was definitely true.  But remember as I said, when you plan, someone or something more powerful than you laughs.  As of today, 4 of my close friends are pregnant.  Each and every single time they told me, it hit me like a cold shower with a thousand knives (but that pain is temporary, the second you realize how happy you are for them...).

I will never forget when my first friend told me she was pregnant.  The conversation started with me saying hello (duh), to hear crying and panic on the other line (oh shit).  Then was a quick jumbled mesh of words of which I was able to pull out: “pregnant, not even trying, I’m so sorry, don’t want to hurt you” (ouch).  I pride myself on being a good friend, so I assured her how unbelievably happy I was for them (which was 100% the truth), and that she needn’t worry about me (also the truth).  The conversation went on, I was filled with excitement and asked questions.  But the second we got off the phone, I lost it.  Part of me was feeling sorry for myself but the other part of me was experiencing this really weird dichotomy.  I was truly so unbelievably happy for them, but was feeling sad for myself and that made me feel like a bad friend.  And such is true about each and every time another friend told me they were pregnant.  Every woman who wants to be a mother, should be afforded that opportunity and while jealous, I couldn’t be happier for my friends who will get to experience motherhood, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  

 

My best friend is pregnant.  And by best friend I mean college roommate, maid of honor in each others’ weddings, and practical sister.  I am beyond excited to be an aunt.  My journey and my desire to be a mother does not overshadow this at all, but it’s not easy.  I have learned to compartmentalize and be there for her, and be supportive and an excited auntie (because I really CAN’T wait!), but I can’t make this about my journey or my feelings.  I needed to compartmentalize (see -- tip 6 is important), and in this moment, prioritize the joy and excitement I felt over the pain I was feeling for myself.

 

But that doesn’t make this easy.  It raises questions, why is it so easy for them and so hard for me? Why aren’t I deserving of this same happiness? And while I try not to compare my journey to others, it’s such a struggle to wonder when I will be in that same boat of elation.

 

Tip: It’s okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself, but it’s equally important for your friends to know that they can share their news with you and that you won’t be resentful.  Just as your friends have supported your journey, you need to support theirs, and be genuinely happy for them.  Allow yourself those minutes to feel sorry for yourself, but then put on your big girl panties, chug that wine, and remind yourself, your time will come.

©2016 Shut the Fertility Up