Your body is (not) a wonderland...
Some tiny insight into how my body always tests the limits might be helpful in the fact that I’ve moved on from crying, and now am teetering into the territory of the rolling of the eyes and screaming WHAT THE FFFFFF (fuck, and or/fertility, you choose) all the damn time. Cases in point: when I was 13 I was getting horrible headaches that everyone dismissed; suffice it to say, after convincing my parents I wasn’t a drama queen, I wound up having extensive and invasive sinus surgery that kept me bed rest for two weeks as my face was filled with over twenty feet of gel packing which had to be pulled out slowly with a tool (my mom nearly vomited watching this process).
Fast forward to a family vacation when I was 18. Scene: Colorado, outside a ski pro-shop. While walking out with my skis, I asked my dad to carry my skis up the hill fearing I may fall. My dad, who though is such a huge support, laughed, and told me to carry my own skis. Well of course half way up the hill to the lodge, I fell down and hurt my thumb. My family laughed at me for over a week and dismissed the pain. Once we got back to the east coast and my thumb was still throbbing, I went for an x-ray where I was told that I had shattered my thumb and needed surgery immediately. So, huge thanks to my family for letting me ski for 8 days with a broken thumb.
And as a last little tidbit which now I can laugh at, but wasn’t funny at the time, was when I needed liposuction on my knee. Yup, you read that right. I was at a trainer doing lunges and I felt something get stuck behind my kneecap, and it felt stuck. For days I was uncomfortable before I finally drove my ass to get an x-ray. My family friend, an orthopedist, told me he saw some calcium that had broken off and was stuck behind my knee cap. He assured me the scope-type surgery I needed was routine and easy. Turns out, it wasn’t a piece of calcium, but it was fat. And being friends of the family, he had no quandaries letting me know that I had one of the fattest knee pads he’d ever seen, and he needed to essentially do liposuction on my knee pad (you can laugh).
Tip: Sometimes, bodies will fail you. In fact, at some point, it's practically inevitable. Fertility struggles is just that - your (or your husband’s) body failing you. For a wide variety of reasons you’re being tested, and your journey towards motherhood seems exponentially harder than those women who get pregnant just by looking at their husbands. Though beyond heartbreaking and heart wrenching at times, it’s also OKAY to be mad at your body for failing you, or testing your limits, and laughing at yourself and screaming WTF when appropriate and saying STFU to your doctor when they tell you that you have fat knee pads, or also in my case, rotten eggs.